07.30 E&M 55 mins. I still felt run down and tired today. Also, the pain and stiffness in my back is getting to me. I travelled to the house with thoughts about my lack of money, accommodation, income and social life, and wondering what it would be like to have a girlfriend. I recognised these signs as my script trying to tempt me back to my old life and I relaxed. There is no obvious explanation for how I feel. I spoke to Karaj in London, and he is feeling much the same; he is in pain and cannot sleep. He said we are doing well and poised to do better.
Karaj challenged me on two aspects of my attitude from yesterday. Firstly, my insistence that our blockage could be my laziness, is negative. I am not lazy. Since I came out of hospital five months ago I have taken over the office on my own, which is not the act or commitment of a lazy person. Similarly, when Karaj told me that my presence and influence has helped to curb some of his spending habits I did not fully accept what he said. Again, when I do this I introduce negativity into our space and I make Karaj’s life difficult because he then has to work harder to get through to me. So, accept my contribution and my commitment.