Cut It Out

Wednesday 10 April, 2002

07.30 45 mins. I went to bed last night feeling anxious that I had not done enough with my day and that I continue to let Karaj down. The anxiety was still there this morning and it took a few talks with Karaj throughout the course of the day to sort it out.

The crux of his comments was that I need to ‘cut it out’. It takes effort to change behaviour but an instant to change an attitude. There is nothing wrong with my behaviour but my negative attitude has to stop. It brings me down and the negativity affects everyone around me. Whatever Karaj said to me I twisted it into negativity, saying that I am no good at anything.

Because I was not with it Karaj, gave me a structure for the day. We divided the time up into two-hourly slots and planned what we would do with them. In the evening we wrote alongside our plan exactly what we had done with the time. Although the day had not gone according to plan we had, in fact, achieved a great deal and I was finally able to see that it had been a productive day with many positives. Without this structure my mind would be free to roam around telling me that not only had we not achieved our plan, we had not achieved much at all.

In the evening I talked with Karaj about needing time out of the bubble in which I otherwise exist here. He told me it is necessary for me to create a social life for myself otherwise I may well go round the bend. In the time left before midnight we drew up the daily appraisal sheet and also planned tomorrow’s day.


Leave a Reply