Relax & Get On With Life

Thursday 11 April, 2002

07.30 40 mins. Struggled out of bed and it took a couple of hours for me to get a grip on my negativity. I had a plan for the day but little motivation. Karaj had given me all the support I needed yesterday. Surely I could change my attitude.

In the afternoon we spoke further about it, as we weeded the garden. It is not that I have to change my negative attitude, but my attitude to myself. I have learnt so much about myself over the past two years that I can move on from that stage of my development, onto actually doing something about it. Karaj told me I simply have to accept who I am and get on with life – no more no less. And that the getting on with life part means taking each day as it comes and dealing with it.

Relax with who I am and simply deal with whatever is in front of me, no matter what I have planned or what I think I should be doing. Also, don’t look into the future and bash myself up with where I think I should be and where I should be going. All that matters is where I am now. I said yesterday (repeatedly) that I am no good at anything. Firstly, that isn’t the case and secondly, if there’s one thing worth being good at it’s taking one day at a time, using it fully and seeing the positives in what I have achieved.

Final thoughts during reflection with Karaj: we planned tomorrow and he explained that such a plan provides me with a structure for my day as soon as I wake up. This will stop my mind wandering down any negative avenues. Furthermore, it is important that I focus on the first action of the day only. If I look at the entire plan there is a danger I will be overwhelmed.

Also, don’t bash myself up when it doesn’t go according to plan. We need to be flexible; but remember that there are times when I have to stick to my plan (appointments, deadlines etc.). Making notes of my achievements throughout the day provides me with much-needed accountability and also guarantees that nothing is forgotten, especially when something negative occurs. It is my cultural script to forget the positives in favour of a negative.

Final thought: to get out of my negativity, focus on what others are going through, what their needs are.


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