More Mature Territory

Saturday 20 April, 2002

This week has been a relatively quiet one, but not without its challenges. They did not affect me as much as in the past because, as I have been able to see for myself this week, I am now moving into more mature territory.

Monday – Woke up feeling tired, stiff and negative but took what I learned over the weekend and told myself, ‘I’m not having it’. And I didn’t. I got on with my work and kept busy.

Tuesday – Robert is having a difficult time at the moment. I wanted to give him some words of encouragement but felt that they would come from Child ego state so I remained quiet. In the end I supported him by being with him in his home town. Karaj said to me also that in order to make the move towards Parent ego state, I had to witness and experience who and where I am.

Wednesday – Karaj woke up feeling anxious about all the negativity which is coming his way. This was confirmed by Robert’s phone call. He had broken procedures and Karaj was so mad with him that he threatened to pack it all in and leave us to it. Karaj and I talked about leaving the country and going to work in Germany. I talked to Ishwar in the evening and also to Dev. Dev did not believe me that Karaj would pack it all in. [My drama pattern was doubtless at work here.]

Thursday – A busy day yesterday from start to finish kept me out of emotions and negativity.

Friday – I felt some anxiety about all the work I have to do because I have not done any of it this week. In the supervision session my Child ego state surfaced a few times and when Karaj pointed it out and challenged me I sighed. There is no need to sigh because it is a gift when my Child ego state is highlighted to me.

Karaj talked about his appraisal of what I need to be doing this year. It is an opportunity to show myself what I can do. A challenge I can rise to. Karaj said that he could not have given me such an appraisal 12 months ago. He added that, rather than give feedback in the form of an assessment or explanation or regurgitation of what has been said, I need to touch the person, connect with them and create a relationship with them.

Today – Served people without any resentment and more fully than before. Saw it as an important task rather than a secondary duty. My procedures for the day were:

  • Maintain focus on today – the work in hand, not the work I have pending on my desk
  • Socialise, rather than isolate myself – talk and share my thoughts and stories
  • Be positive, forget the negatives and thereby create positive habits
  • Record all achievements

I succeeded in all of these. I need to look for the contributions of others to me; how they touch me.


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