Just Get On With Life

Tuesday 25 June, 2002

Yesterday I felt the presence of the emotions I associate with a return from Germany: a little disillusionment about what I am doing; the desire to spend more time with Francis in Germany, advancing our friendship and doing what we do so well; and a general questioning of my life. It is a sadness which Francis and I had predicted at the weekend and which is perfectly normal. I did not feel as down as I have done in the past.

Today, however, I have felt emotional all day: agitated, inadequate, disillusioned, overwhelmed. I talked to Dev and George about where I am and, as Dev put it: ‘We don’t want to hear about your emotions, we just want the work done’. He then asked me what a man would do in my situation. Get on with the work. That’s all I need to do.

I verbalised my emotional state to Karaj. He told me that if I keep on talking about my emotions I will perpetuate them. I should talk about my to-do list instead; talk about what I have achieved, and the emotions will be dealt with as a result of this. In response to my unfavourable comparisons with Robert, Dev and Priya, about commitment, he said that all I can be is where I am now.

The emotions will always be there but my maturity is all about getting on with my life.


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