Starting Anew Each Morning

Thursday 15 August, 2002

Yoga was another good workout and I felt freer as a result. Fell asleep afterwards feeling satisfied and positive. Woke up an hour later feeling tired and envious of the teacher’s fitness. I had the feeling that all the hard work is gone and I have to do it all over again. That is the essence of my problem each morning: I have to keep going and motivating myself anew each day because sleep tends to eradicate any well-being I feel beforehand. Prediction of this will allow me to plan for it. It also shows me that I am yet to grasp the long-term, gradual nature of progress. Relax, slow down.

It was another active day and one where I have shown myself to be capable in many ways. For example, when I am serious (rather than smiling because I am nervous) then I am highly effective. Remained balanced, mature and supportive when Calvin phoned to tell me he was doing well and verbalised my day with Simran this evening. He talked about the subject of procedures. That’s how we can grow up: by following procedures, no matter how we feel.

I have paced myself well this week and the evidence shows me how well I achieve, but there is still some anxiety that my work will not be enough for Karaj. As with Francis in Germany, I have noticed this week how I am more of an Adapted Child when I’m around Karaj than when I am not.


Leave a Reply