It’s About Who We Are

Sunday 8 September, 2002

After working through the night on Friday, Karaj and I drove to Manchester early yesterday morning. He was attending a course and I was visiting Sonny, an old friend. I just about stayed awake on the motorway and, upon arrival, my first job was to find a B&B for Karaj. I got information from the tourist information centre and rang a few places. My approach was not systematic and I was clearly not fully relaxed about sorting it out.

When Sonny arrived he’d had a busy and lively time the night before and he was as tired as me, so we planned an easy day. And I finally got Karaj a place to stay for the night. I was much more systematic in my approach and when I eventually called to leave a message for Karaj, he had just entered the office so I got to speak with him in person.  All because I took control and was focused. Intention.

I cooked breakfast for Sonny and I, made myself at home immediately and chatted to the girls in his house. I struggled a little with one of them and found it difficult to maintain interest, but noticed how Sonny is very positive and affirming when chatting. He maintains interest and creates relationships. I am getting better at it.

In the afternoon we went to the pub for a drink. We chatted, the football quite incidental in the background. We talked about what I am doing in my work with Karaj and how Sonny has qualities he takes for granted because they come so easily to him: he forms relationships easily, resolves conflicts with a smile and engages effortlessly, asking simple questions and showing interest in the conversation.

By the evening we were too tired to go out. We stayed in and had an early night. So, in visiting Sonny, who is always up for a night out, I have achieved my goal of a quiet time. We laughed with each other and talked about how the day had panned out so well. It was all very comfortable.

This morning I took charge and cooked breakfast again and tidied the kitchen while Sonny sorted out arrangements to pick up his girlfriend from the airport. When she returned, we chatted and looked at the photographs of her trip to Australia. I was not as interested, enthusiastic or responsive as Sonny. I was like a child who wants to do something else. More evidence of me not being in the moment and living it fully.

On the journey home I chatted to a girl on the train. I practised talking but wasn’t really bothered. Same old story. Need to practise pastiming more. Simple questions.

Back at the house there was a 3-hour supervision with Harriet. It was about the overall picture and Harriet’s meeting with the Americans. My feedback on my weekend was full of emotional comments: ‘This was nice and that was lovely‘. No analysis and no comment about what I have learned or how I will apply it.  When am I going to learn?!

Summary: I am good and I can see where I need to improve. The common thread of the whole two days has been about who we are. When I know who I am, I can be comfortable with myself and stand firm when challenged, maintaining my view of the overall picture at all times.


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