Conversations With Karaj

Wednesday 11 September, 2002

Karaj and I talked this morning about maintaining the overall picture in everything we do. It creates stability. He added that everyone is feeling tired and it will be like this for the next 15 months. Karaj also spoke about Robert’s contribution to the group. Robert pushed us, bringing us together, and all that has happened over the last year and particularly recently has brought everyone’s negativity to the surface so that we can work on it. Such a contribution cannot be underestimated.

I offered my insight that I don’t verbalise my life, work, thoughts or feelings because I don’t want people to know where I am. I need to be more open and to see how much I grow through the challenges I receive when I verbalise where I am. Otherwise I am just indulging in my mess. I feel awkward with the subject of my own arrogance and my reluctance to admit that I am not as good as I’d like to think. I cannot see what I already have. I am looking for someone else to tell me what I have and that it is acceptable, instead of doing it for myself.

During the final session of the day I was challenged repeatedly about my arrogance and about being the centre of attention for most of the evening. Karaj challenged me that I simply need to look around at what I have created and why the people are here – because I have worked hard – and when I own what I have done I will be all right. I feel on the brink of a breakthrough with my progress. Last weekend weekend I saw more of myself in action as well as what is achievable. I am still spinning plates but I feel more in control. I know what I need to do but I need to be patient about it. This applies to the yoga, the observations, the analysis and the pastiming. Everything.


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