The Hearing

Friday 20 September, 2002

It’s the day of the BACP hearing. Dev will accompany Karaj, and Simran will stay at the house with me. In our early morning supervision I verbalised my anxiety and felt better about it. Others verbalised theirs too. In accompanying Karaj today Dev can deal with his issue with his father. We read prayers (the second half of Sukhmani Sahib plus Psalm 139 v7-10 & 23-24). Again, my anxiety eased and I felt peace and unity.

The instruction from Karaj to Simran and me was to keep a normal day, keep things ticking over, don’t go into negativity because it will be felt at the hearing. Once they had left for the hearing, we sat together and drew up the list. In the end it had 57 items on it and we would work all day to achieve over 90% completion. At lunchtime Dev phone to ask that we fax some documents. He told me not to get emotional and just get on with the work. My Hurry Up driver still kicked in but with Simran present and taking the phone I was able to play a good supporting role whilst at the same time observing the results of Simran’s calm approach. This is when I need to slow down. Know that these are just the sort of occasions where I believe my hurry up is justified – beware.

At 16:00 Dev phoned to say that the complaint had been dismissed. There was no case to answer. But neither was there any reason to get excited. I felt relieved initially but Dev’s words and Simran’s lack of excitement was all I needed to remain calm. I reflected on it briefly a few times over the afternoon but soon forgot it because of the effectiveness of and enthusiasm for the to-do list. Felt a couple of waves of emotion, like a release after working so hard.

We all sat together in the evening, Priya had arrived by this time, and had a very good supervision session until 02:00. I was alive and alert. I reported well – I was clear and not emotional – and received feedback/challenges similarly. I did not personalise anything. Perhaps this is because I have achieved so much today, which means that to be able to report and receive feedback appropriately I need to achieve as I have done today. Just keep working (hard). We laughed together and it was a big release for all three of us (Simran, Dev and me). Karaj was in mischievous mood. Great fun and great work.

Priya was very sharp in picking up how, in my reporting of the day, I came across as a wife to Simran. She was so convincing in her feedback that I have to reflect on this. Priya’s insights, like Ishwar’s comments, are to be listened to.

Summary: worked very well with Simran and achieved more than expected. Thought about the hearing and how Karaj’s attitude has been a “worst case scenario” one which is what has driven us to do the work we have. This is different to a negative attitude which fosters the inclination to give in. Simran has been a steady and calming influence and I have seen the enthusiasm and energy with which he has gone about the tasks on the list. Today has been a classic to-do list day; an example of what it can do for you when used properly. Oh, and case dismissed: a compliment to the work we have done.

Background to the case: The Case For The Defence

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