Serving & Contributing

Monday 23 September, 2002

Karaj said yesterday that we need to take care in our tiredness. The better I become, the more people will want to be with me, talk with me and take from me.

This evening I sat with Ishwar, Simran and Shona to work on Ishwar’s overall picture for his work. I initiated the process and invited Shona to join us, which she did. Further, I invited her to contribute, which she did. I was back and forth sorting things out in the office but each time I sat in on the process I contributed.

At 22:00 I hung out the washing, feeling resentful that people were still here and I had not been able to get on with my work (Simran and Ishwar were now using my computer). However, I took my to-do list outside, relaxed and got on with some work. The resentment was caused by my expectation of being able to do my work. Tonight has not gone according to plan but that’s life. The resentment went very quickly once I got on with work. That is what serving people is all about: having no privacy. Karaj told me that this is a necessary process for me to go through in order that I can eventually become a very private man. I understood.

Summary: started the day feeling alive after last night’s work. Engaged throughout the day, spent time with Karaj’s mum and his wife, as well as looking after people in the evening and remaining calm when things got quite busy. Still took things personally but catching myself sooner and sooner. Saw how much like me Ishwar is: he had all the answers but they had to be dragged out of him, whilst at the same time having to negotiate his negativity.


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