Becoming Visible

Saturday 28 September, 2002

Discussed with Dev his overall picture of his week ahead. He went off on his own twice; once at the beginning of the exercise and once when typing up the flipchart. I contributed to him with my feedback and my observations that he does not include his team. I also gained from the experience because I do the same. Another learning point for me is that people don’t need the detail. It is distracting and confusing. They need the overall picture. They will ask if they need more information.

Before lunch I worked with Dev and Priya on the overall picture for the weekend. It was a good exercise. At first I was bullshitting my way through an explanation of tomorrow’s board meeting rather than admit I didn’t know. It’s a habit of mine which needs to be sorted out because otherwise I lead people down the garden path and they allow themselves to be lead.

I’m starting to see what we can achieve if we don’t rest on our laurels. When people are here they need to be working all the time or they can leave.

Ishwar was low and I challenged him from the start about his low energy and his to-do list of questions for Karaj. Also challenged him about not contacting people when he is low, not looking at the evidence that he is good and setting himself up to be off work again (worst-case-scenario support). Again, I have a strong feeling of what can be achieved if we keep working and supporting each other through challenges.

We spent four hours this afternoon in the garden working on the frame for the ‘cottage’ construction. We started with the overall picture and plan, but did not achieve our goals and clearly did not push ourselves enough. Still, we did lay the foundations for the erection of the frame.

During the evening session afterwards, I felt very tired but satisfied, having done some physical work. I still need to take more control, and not personalise things. Ishwar did not ask Karaj any of the questions he has on his agenda. Does he want to sort things out or not?

For the first hour of the supervision session, we dealt with Ishwar’s issue of not being present. It is now coming to the surface and he is seeing what we have been witnessing all along. Now it can be sorted out. For the rest of the time, until midnight, we worked through the flipcharts from the weekend. Again, I tried to lead people down a different path in an attempt not to be wrong. I start from ‘I must be wrong‘ rather than, ‘What does it matter?‘. Took control of the flipchart process with little hesitation. This was a continuation of the increased control I have shown all day.

Summary: took charge a lot more and saw that I am quite capable of it. Really starting to get into the work ethic and seeing the benefits of it; and internalising the fact that people (we) are here to work, all the time. With the to-do list there is no excuse for being lazy. Went low with the day’s feedback from Karaj in the statement because I thought I’d done well (CES) but soon realised that the statement is a real breakthrough because it means I am coming into the world. I’m not hiding or covering up. I am becoming visible which means I can sort myself out. Felt very tired at the end of the night, my body aches, my knees feel loose and my back is stiff.

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