Let It Go

Monday 14 October, 2002

A day of admin. I took it all step by step, completing each task before moving onto the next. Progress, therefore, seemed slow to me but left me feeling freer. As Karaj said, once a job is done, it’s done forever. Continued working thoroughly and systematically, feeling satisfaction and freedom from the burden of unfinished business.

Yoga this evening. Towards the end of the session I had the same feeling as last week: not wanting to return to the house, to my life there. What am I so scared of? Writing this, it seems that I really don’t want to see who I am; I don’t want to see how fucked up I am. I’m still hanging on to the fantasy that I am okay. Arrogance. Let it go.

Summary: I have kept busy, not wanting to be idle because then my mind and emotions take hold, and neither are doing me any favours at the moment. Starting to see how a thorough approach – finishing one task before moving on – brings satisfaction and lightness, both qualities of well-being. Just have to keep hanging on. I am doing well. Heard Karaj tell a client that things are very tough here because people are working very hard. Why do I forget this as soon as I am challenged? Grow up. Starting to get back to my discipline too: food and exercise. Stomach pain flared up for an hour this lunchtime around the time Karaj came down from upstairs, but has been relatively scarce since.


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