Bring Different Issues Together

Saturday 26 October, 2002

I welcomed Dev this morning. He was nervous, and feeling like an outsider (after his week’s reflection). I am not in the mood to tolerate any fucking around and am beginning to see that Dev is not so effective when challenged. He goes low quickly, takes things personally (just like me) and settles into a comfortable state of being bashed up. He becomes an easy target.

Harriet phoned and we chatted about the strange nature of my week: not fully focused, yet I have felt in control and I have achieved. She told me I have to face up to the fact that I am good. Also that I should look at my work in the same way as she does in customer services: provide the customer with what he wants before he knows he wants it. Karaj is my customer. Felt a little bit scolded but mostly that this was supportive. The scolding is my issue. See the support.

During the supervision session before lunch, we addressed the slow progress on Calvin’s issue of the complaint meeting with social services. Karaj challenged us to work together, look at all our overall pictures, see the commonalities and thereby speed the process along. I took the initiative, suggesting Dev and Ishwar work on Ishwar’s review spreadsheet while Calvin and I work on the accounts. We worked well together. It was satisfying and a fine example of how I can enlist people’s help to get my work done.

My learning points were how to bring different issues together by being aware of the links. Plus, it doesn’t matter whether it’s an issue at work or home, the approach is the same. (Procedures)

After everyone else had left I chatted with Michelle for a while. We traded stories of our respective parents – her mother, my father – both so much alike: negative, blaming the children for their own lack of achievement in life, always using emotional hooks, childish. It was an enjoyable conversation. Two hours was just about enough though. I couldn’t be straight about wanting space to myself but Michelle did not outstay her welcome.

Summary: I have felt very tired today and in no mood to tolerate anyone’s messing around. Again, this created an increased control of situations and events. It has not stopped me socialising either and I have not been miserable. I suppose this is what Karaj means when he he talks about being too tired to be emotional. Worked well with the men and chatted easily with Michelle. Could have gone to bed even earlier than this (23:00) but knew this hour of work tonight will benefit me when I wake up tomorrow. So sleep well, keep going. Don’t get cocky. Remember the pain.

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