See The Commonalities

Sunday 27 October, 2002

When they arrived this morning, Dev seemed a little lost, whereas Simran gave the impression of being content. We began with a supervision session and Dev was challenged to take control of his life, as I had done when I came out of hospital in spite of Karaj not wanting me back. We also talked of mind lists – having things in my mind so that I do not have to look at my to do list all the time. I am getting better at that but Karaj’s advice is to get into the habit of looking at the to-do list all the time. For example, I did not go through it yesterday or refer to it regularly and so forgot to return Calvin’s appraisal, even though I actually referred to it twice in conversations with Calvin.

Karaj left in the early afternoon. As he was leaving he told Dev he needs to travel home in daylight. I thought this was a good way of making sure he didn’t hang around and whispered ‘Nice one’ to Karaj as he walked past me. I realised immediately that this was unnecessary and Karaj confirmed it later on telling me that it was a cocky remark and that Dev will take his revenge for it at a later date. eg. when Karaj is bollocking me for something, Dev will weigh in with this issue about what I said and will take it out on me. I need to know that this will happen; don’t take it personally when it does.

In the evening I spent three hours with Calvin talking about his meeting with social services on Tuesday. He is anxious and wants to be confident in the meeting. I challenged him to show some commitment to his son. Linked his lack of work on this to his IPR, where he has the same issues. He leaves things to the last moment and gets anxious rather than make an effort, regularly, in order to be more prepared. I told him that if he makes an effort to record his life then he will see the patterns and will not have to worry about trying to work out why he gets anxious.

Summary: this whole weekend has been about seeing the commonalities in everything around me and using them to bring clarity to issues and speed up processes. It is something which Karaj does all the time and I am learning to do. This evening I took another step in that direction by linking all of Calvin’s issues to his lack of preparation, lack of effort and lack of commitment to sorting himself out. As with the rest of the week, it has been a subdued day but one where I have been more in control of my space than in the past. More confident and at ease with myself. Still need to be more decisive and take responsibility.


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