Monthly Feedback – January 2003

Friday 31 January, 2003

This is the last of the monthly statements, with Karaj’s feedback to me for every day I worked.

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As Special As It Gets

Friday 31 January, 2003

The past week has been a relatively quiet and restful one. Below are the main comments and observations from the last seven days. The title of the post is taken from the final line of the final point. It relates to a conversation Karaj and I had about the journey to enlightenment.

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Too Interested In His Negativity

Friday 24 January, 2003

Today was a day with Karaj and Simran. As it turned out, it was not a good one for Simran. From time to time we took breaks from the work to sit together and talk. These are the notes I made of those conversations:

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Be Straight With People

Thursday 23 January, 2003

Karaj and I spent all morning on the phone to banks, the accountant, phone company and clients and did not get out of the house for lunch until nearly 14:00. In addition, Karaj is getting annoyed with people wanting to take over my office without knowing how hard I have worked.

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Using Emotions Appropriately

Wednesday 22 January, 2003

In this evening’s group I got annoyed and challenged Simran for disrespecting George by not being in the room when he was reading his agenda item. One challenge and I’m alive. I noticed how much more solid, loud and assertive my voice is. The learning points for me were:

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Sit Together & The Work Gets Done

Sunday 19 January, 2003

I chatted to Simran this morning as we tidied up. We talked about the new location of the pond pipe. He could not work out where the pipe ended and, as he speculated, I observed his process. He thinks too much (like me) and complicates things when he actually has the answer (like me). Dev phoned. He was following procedures by checking in with us but he was quiet and sounded nervous, unsure.

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Steering Myself Where I Want To Go

Saturday 18 January, 2003

In this morning’s supervision the lesson for the coming week was to prepare for the first hour of the morning; predict the irritation. We looked at the garden jobs for the day and I made sure I knew what Dev and Ishwar would be doing. Whilst they went out into the garden I prepared the food for the women’s group, taking regular breaks to supervise Ishwar and Dev.

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Don’t Relax. Just Relax.

Thursday 16 January, 2003

I went dancing this evening with Simran and Calvin. Having discussed with Simran and Dev the danger of women getting into my head, I was well prepared and aware of the potential pitfalls. There were no real candidates for this but I still pinpointed one girl as a possibility. She was sending out some sort of sexual vibe. Having identified one, another one – the Hungarian housewife – came from nowhere for the last dance.

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Forget The Emotions

Wednesday 15 January, 2003

I chatted to Karaj. He is fed up with the Sikhs messing around and not taking control of their lives. This ties in with phone conversations I had yesterday with Dev and Simran. Dev was showing his emotional side again with a work issue: ‘It’s great one minute, then it’s daunting’. I told him to forget the emotions and just get on with the job. After the call to Simran I had the feeling he is trying too hard. I checked this with Karaj. Simran is trying too hard and he could do with easing off a little. However, Karaj added, at the moment it is okay because, in a way, that’s all he can do.

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A Mammoth Effort

Monday 13 January, 2003

Yesterday and today have been a mammoth effort to finish the latest set of accounts. I worked through the night until 07:00 this morning, had three hours rest and then got back to work. In the middle of it, Simran phoned to support me but, again, the way it all came out just irritated me. For the first time I was able to be straight and say what was on my mind. As a result I felt better – clear – and I brought clarity to Simran too. Simple.

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13 Hours of Group Work

Saturday 11 January, 2003

The men’s group started 10 minutes late and Simran was severely challenged for not taking control and asserting himself to get everyone to start on time. His response, that ‘today must be a special day because all of a sudden it matters that we start on time‘, was a huge knife. That’s what he does: instead of expressing his anger appropriately he puts the knife in.

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I Have Worked Wonders

Friday 10 January, 2003

Yesterday, after only two hours sleep, I prepared breakfast and pastimed with the temple dwellers on their return (Karaj, Dev and Priya). Then, while they slept, I worked on, continuing with the latest set of accounts. In the supervision session there was an for issue for Dev, which was relevant to me: I lose myself (disappear into myself) when I try to impress people, rather than just being me and doing what I do regardless of what others may or may not think. I also wondered, as Priya brought up the issue of her house list, why Karaj is taking on more work. It’s all to do with serving, I suppose.

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Working Through The Night

Wednesday 8 January, 2003

At the accountant’s this morning, I deferred to Karaj and in doing so gave up all of my power. Karaj had to think quickly to stop the accountant from sending us away to prepare figures which, in the end, took five minutes to calculate. I was subservient.

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Seeing More & More

Saturday 4 January, 2003

Five of us (Karaj, Ishwar, Dev, Calvin and I) spent the whole day cleaning Arun’s car inside and out. It had been standing untouched for so long, there was mould on the inside. As the light was fading and Karaj put out the call to push ourselves and finish the work, I knew what was needed. Steady but swift work; a change to the headless chicken approach which was always the hallmark of my need to please people. It was a good way to start the year. As Ishwar remarked, we cleaned the car of a nice person.

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