Steering Myself Where I Want To Go

Saturday 18 January, 2003

In this morning’s supervision the lesson for the coming week was to prepare for the first hour of the morning; predict the irritation. We looked at the garden jobs for the day and I made sure I knew what Dev and Ishwar would be doing. Whilst they went out into the garden I prepared the food for the women’s group, taking regular breaks to supervise Ishwar and Dev.

Ishwar felt better because of the physical work but he needs to get aggressive and verbalise his irritation. Dev was not in control enough. He doesn’t challenge because, ‘Others know better and I’ll be challenged back’. No, Dev, you are the one who challenges back (rather than listening), not others. He did start to take control a little and was not irritating with it. Later, I saw that they had not cleared the path after cutting the hedge. I considered leaving it, but couldn’t, so told them they need to tidy up. Ishwar simply said, ‘Yep, we’ll do that’. As Karaj has said, people will work for me.

We joined the women’s group for a couple of hours in the early evening. Their feedback to us was that we were more alive and less of the wimps we have been recently. Good. Karaj dictated Dev’s memo to his boss. It stated Dev’s case in a straight, empowering way.
[The feedback he received from his boss was that is was unnecessary and confrontational. Importantly, when Dev reported this he sounded more alive and positive. The memo gave him his power back because it stated who he is. He is standing up for himself.]

After Simran arrived and Dev had left, the men began work on Priya’s to-do books and my accounts appraisal. I was knackered prior to this work and when we began I found myself in my old position of doing everything. I stopped and put Ishwar in charge of Priya’s books and Simran in charge of my appraisal, supervising Ishwar on one computer and dictating my appraisal to Simran on the other. Because I had already talked about the accounts learnings with the other men, they were able to contribute to the process. It was great work. I came alive and woke up fully, and Simran calmed down as a result of his focus on my appraisal. This was my contribution to him.

We joined the women’s group for the final round. I read my accounts appraisal. The women’s feedback was that it was powerful, succinct and clear; and that I am more of a man now, with a loud voice and authority. Karaj added that we had worked well all day and had also kept out of the women’s way throughout. Working hard in the background. Good.

Summary: today has been about how I can steer myself where I want to go rather than fall victim to my emotions. Karaj’s response: ‘Good, that is a big step. Now the challenges will come. People will block you and you have to break through’.


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