As Special As It Gets

Friday 31 January, 2003

The past week has been a relatively quiet and restful one. Below are the main comments and observations from the last seven days. The title of the post is taken from the final line of the final point. It relates to a conversation Karaj and I had about the journey to enlightenment.

Saturday

  • After starting the day feeling completely knackered, I worked well in the garden this morning, and on other tasks in the afternoon and evening. I was on the ball in the garden and, when I felt myself disappearing during the evening work, I woke myself up with a contribution of some sort.

Sunday

  • A day off, with a little work here and there to keep things ticking over. Yoga was tough and tiring and I am stiff & tired, but even with this small effort my body feels freer.

Monday

  • I thought about the similarities between language and therapy. Sitting in the group I can see the signs, hear the games and feel things happening. It’s like sitting in a group (of Germans) and having to make no effort to understand because I speak their language.

Tuesday

  • My body is stiff and heavy. Why? What lies am I telling myself? (This comes from a story Karaj told about the time he called in sick and his boss asked him, ‘What lies are you telling yourself?‘. Karaj immediately got up and went to work.) Or is it because I am doing well?
  • Took a call from Simran. He was still shaken from an incident yesterday with his client. It left me feeling that he was withholding information. I had nothing to say. He was like a poor little child. It was an invite to either rescue him or persecute him (see the Drama Triangle) but I did neither. The post, ‘What Am I Contributing?’, has a beautiful example of how Karaj dealt with Simran’s script.
  • Karaj and I chatted. Karaj warned that we need to be very alert now – this is a critical time. He added that people need to see that everything they do is applicable to their life. We are both very tired indeed.
  • Read Six Easy Pieces by Richard Feynmann. It was good to read some science again. It’s all about looking at the environment and trying to make sense of it; trying to reduce what goes on to a few simple laws. Sounds familiar.

Wednesday

  • During a chat with Karaj, he told me to talk to Dev about making a choice – choosing positivity, health and well-being. I recalled the conversation with Karaj and Robert when they told me it takes an instant and no energy to make a choice. I couldn’t do it at the time but Karaj said to me today that at some (deep) level I knew what they were saying because now I am doing it. This is great feedback; just what I need to hear. It is conformation of what I am doing.
  • A restful day; I had no choice because I was so tired. Felt a little out of it in the group but – and this is the point – I was still effective. It is just a case of knowing where I am and continuing to contribute and relate to my world.

Thursday

  • Talked with Karaj about people not listening – they are not desperate enough. Priya listens because, as she said, ‘My life is such a mess and everything I do is wrong.

Friday

  • Karaj and I talked about the journey to enlightenment. We assume that because the destination is so ‘special’ the path must be special too. It isn’t. Quite the opposite. It’s painful, it’s drudgery, it’s hard. But it is always simple. That’s as special as it gets.

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