Two Fathers

Monday 17 February, 2003

It was decided, in consultation with Marian, the girls’ mum, that I would go and pick them up and bring them back for the day out with their dad, Simran. The girls were in fine spirits and chatted throughout the journey. As we alighted from the train, they gave Simran their cards. They were excited, but I heard no noise or any real enthusiasm from Simran. He was not in control of anything, there was no life in him and I soon realised that it was down to me again. I had further support from George. Calvin was with us too, although he was kept busy all day by his son.

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Feel The Fear & Get On With Life

Saturday 15 February, 2003

As we waited for the other men to arrive for today’s group, Dev and I chatted, while Simran sat isolated, withdrawn and quiet. In the group, I talked about where I am, which led to an explanation of the Kübler-Ross model applied to the group since Robert left. We have been grieving since he left and it has affected the whole group.

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Contributing To People

Friday 14 February, 2003

Karaj, Simran and I planned the tasks. We spent the day finishing the construction of the compost tower and, when Karaj went off, Simran and I hung the door, dressing it very well using hidden hinges. As we admired our work, I challenged Simran. He needs to talk. In the evening I had a short rest, but couldn’t sleep properly – too much body pain, especially my legs. When I awoke Karaj told met that Imogen cannot make Monday and I will have to pick up Simran’s kids on the train. It is going to be a long day and I will need all the support I can get (George & Calvin).

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A Fitting Quotation

Friday 7 February, 2003

Yesterday, I welcomed Michelle and we chatted about what has made the difference to her life: reading the newsletters and appraisals thoroughly, and knowing that if she doesn’t move forward she is wasting her life. I then sat in on her session with Serena and Karaj. I sat quietly and watched Michelle make life difficult for herself – creating isolation by not bringing her agenda items here, and confusion by not taking control or being straight. I was aware of the ‘opportunity’ to get cocky and so remained calm. Don’t get cocky.

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Own Your Space

Wednesday 5 February, 2003

Prepared the food with Calvin for this evening’s group. He is frustratingly slow. I told him to speed up and showed him how to do it. Simran arrived and had no presence, which furthered my annoyance. I thought to myself, ‘Save the anger for the appropriate time – in the group’.

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Aggressive, Gentle & Curious

Saturday 1 February, 2003

I woke up feeling pretty alive. We (Karaj, Dev, George, Ishwar, Michelle, Calvin and I) spent most of the daylight hours in the garden working on the panels and 3×2′ slabs around the compost area. I got cocky and Karaj had to remind me: Where is my team? I need them for this work.

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