How We Work

Wednesday 30 April, 2003

Dev phoned this morning to speak to Karaj. He is feeling ill and does not want to face the world. I informed Karaj and he told me to curtail the call. Dev is looking for negative strokes. During a meeting with Shona and me, Karaj dictated the document setting out the fines procedure. After we had talked about it yesterday, Karaj has moved things along. When Kuldip arrived in the afternoon, we went through it together and made further corrections.

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Quietly Getting On With It

Tuesday 29 April, 2003

I went to see my counsellor again today. I have seen her a few times since my GP suggested I give it go, in an attempt to cope better with the low feelings I had a few months back. The same GP offered me advice again yesterday as he prescribed painkillers for the pain I am in, telling me to phone my dad and visit my brother.

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Using All The Resources

Monday 28 April, 2003

I’m experiencing sharp pain in both knees. Pain in every step. Noticed that when I grimaced and wished an end to my suffering, I felt worse. This is the emotional pain which I cause myself. I stopped grimacing and smiled to myself, and the pain eased a little.

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Serving Others

Sunday 27 April, 2003

The five of us sat together once Dev, Simran and Kuldip had arrived. As Karaj highlighted yesterday, the Asians in the group are a gift. They have given me a perspective on relating to white people. It’s so much easier now. When Karaj and I go out into the world people will be equally difficult to communicate with so I need the practice, because I cannot afford to react emotionally in such situations.

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Support & Personalisation

Saturday 26 April, 2003

After fitting the sink tap in C1 we (Karaj, Dev, Ishwar, Calvin and I) sat together for a short supervision session. The message was simple. Karaj quoted S.N. Goenka: ‘If you cannot take 100% responsibility for yourself, forget it.

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Positive Parenting

Friday 25 April, 2003

Karaj and I sat together to plan the day. It was a short meeting. The goal is to complete the finishing work on the cottage (C1). Shona arrived just as Karaj disappeared upstairs. I chatted with her. She talks a lot. She had a letter from her boss and wanted to read it to Karaj. When I enquired about the contents she told me she would prefer to read it to both of us and then asked me what I wanted. I told her I’m not bothered, she can do whatever she wants. I was a little irritated by her nervous, childish energy.

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No Stone Left Unturned

Thursday 24 April, 2003

The following comments have been taken from the last 11 days of notes. They highlight how challenging the environment has become. Every little transgression or miscommunication is being challenged; every emotional response is a signpost to a pattern of behaviour. There was no hiding place for anyone and it was precisely this approach which meant that, if we wanted to expose our conditioning and behaviour in order to be able to face it head on, no stone could be left unturned.

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First Comes The Self

Saturday 12 April, 2003

Men’s Group. First and foremost is the SELF. Being unrestrained and free to express itself, the self can connect with another self, creating a relationship, inspiration and development. The next step is the content, followed by the how. This will come automatically once the self has been established. If I am emotional then I am into the content when I should be focused on my self. Whatever I do, my self should permeate every aspect of it. The vision of the self must be present in everything we do.

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Compliment People

Friday 11 April, 2003

Yesterday I struggled to get out of bed. I had thoughts about exercises but took no action. This morning, again, I lay in bed contemplating my exercises. My body is too stiff to find any motivation to get up…but I am getting closer. [11 years on and this is the advice I would give to myself: Don’t wait for the motivation to come along. Make it happen.]

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A Revealing Day At The Beach

Monday 7 April, 2003

I chatted with Karaj about about how I take inspiration from sport. Those who succeed follow the same procedures as are instilled here: determination, discipline, belief in the process, and vision. I also talked about how I am feeling good about myself and the fact that Shona, like Arun, wants Karaj to change when it is precisely his consistency that people need.

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Working Together

Saturday 5 April, 2003

In the morning’s supervision it was clear that, although Dev was present, his mind was elsewhere. Make up your mind. Make a decision and stick to it rather than have your feet in both camps, hedging your bets. Make a commitment. This, of course, is relevant to me because I sometimes doubt the wisdom of what I am doing. Don’t give myself the option of doubt. I am here doing what I am doing and that is that. We also addressed Dev’s negativity. He started his day with negativity and that is what he sets up for himself: negative strokes all the time. Choose positivity.

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It’s What I Want

Friday 4 April, 2003

This morning, as the three of us sat together in the cottage in the garden, Karaj challenged Dev: ‘Life is hard but it is simple. Stop comparing yourself. Look at what you have achieved, look at your starting point. Take things step by step and remember: you put yourself in hell the day you decided to sort yourself out.’ This is applicable to me too, of course. Relax and know that it is tough but it’s what I want.

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The Next Level

Wednesday 2 April, 2003

Yesterday I returned from my trip to Australia with Peter. On the final part of the journey from London, there were a few Australians on the coach who were strangers to each other but who chatted with each other all the way. They are open and friendly. The English are reserved and closed. Who is missing out here?

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