Positive Parenting

Friday 25 April, 2003

Karaj and I sat together to plan the day. It was a short meeting. The goal is to complete the finishing work on the cottage (C1). Shona arrived just as Karaj disappeared upstairs. I chatted with her. She talks a lot. She had a letter from her boss and wanted to read it to Karaj. When I enquired about the contents she told me she would prefer to read it to both of us and then asked me what I wanted. I told her I’m not bothered, she can do whatever she wants. I was a little irritated by her nervous, childish energy.

I welcomed Dev and Simran, pastimed with them, and chatted in C1 with Karaj about the work for the day before getting his things ready for his appointment with Harriet. He was running a little late. Once he had left, I explained to Dev and Simran what needed doing in C1: fit threshold wood over water pipe; foam in the waste pipes; board up the sink unit; fit a tap into water pipe. I was able to give them advice on how to go about cutting the groove in the underside of the threshold. Amazing how easy it is when you are not stuck in the detail of things.

After an hour I joined them for a feedback session on how things are going – slowly. I was reluctant to tell them to hurry up at this stage because I don’t want them fucking this particular job up. Kuldip is with them now and that is a blessing. 30 minutes later they needed my input to realise the wood was the wrong way round! It was the second time they were going to call me but didn’t. They were stuck in the detail and nobody took a big enough step back.

I reflected on the situation. Dev and Kuldip want to speed things up and Simran wants to do a perfect job. Now I see why I didn’t take any action: because I did not know what to do. I’m still not sure because both Dev and Simran are liabilities if they realise their script. When I spoke to Karaj about it later and he said I need to take charge but that it will all come in good time. The thing to remember is that I go into emotions very easily and lose the focus. I just need to go back to the original plan and look at whether it is being fulfilled. If not, take action; but don’t get emotional.

I fitted the tap into the water pipe with Kuldip while Dev and Simran went shopping. A good job, well executed. Kuldip is keen to get involved and to learn and that makes it easier to work with him. I got him doing things and explained what we were doing. A potentially tricky job was completed with no fuss or problems.

In the afternoon I supported Dev in his calls to a lawyer. I clarified issues with Dev after the first call which led to him making the second call. This highlighted the importance of getting others involved and not doing things alone. Afterwards, I asked him if he needed help typing up the notes from his calls. He said no. I corrected him. He always wants to do things alone. Once the work had been done, Dev agreed it had been easier working together than if he had done it alone.

Early evening I joined Karaj and the men in the garden for a review of the day’s work and to connect the blue pipe to the mains. The initial leaks caused an emotional response in me (exasperation) but Karaj and Kuldip sorted it out while I prepared the client room for Serena. Once I sort the emotions out I will be very effective.

At 22:30 we all (Dev, Simran, Kuldip, Ishwar, Shona and I) joined the session Karaj was having with Serena and Michelle. It went on beyond midnight, offering a very useful explanation of positive Parenting (TA). This is what I have been noticing about myself this week. I have seen the choice I have: either react emotionally or follow the procedures I have been given by Karaj – someone who practises positive Parenting.

Summary: Good use of office time; kept an eye on the garden work; enjoyed people’s company although I felt a little stressed (emotional!) by it at times; and rounded the day off with a relevant session. (Aren’t they always relevant?!)

Related post: Internal Dialogues

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