Using All The Resources

Monday 28 April, 2003

I’m experiencing sharp pain in both knees. Pain in every step. Noticed that when I grimaced and wished an end to my suffering, I felt worse. This is the emotional pain which I cause myself. I stopped grimacing and smiled to myself, and the pain eased a little.

I spoke to Karaj about it. He told me I’m in pain because I’m a truth seeker. The pain shows me the limitations of my body and thus breaks the attachment we otherwise have to the body, setting us free in the process; then we can see the funny side of the pain. Only through experience can we grow. He moved on to the subject of vision. Even intelligent people don’t know their vision: ‘They use their intelligence as an excuse to hide from the truth (of life)’.

We also discussed the arrogance stage in life. It is evident in individuals and cultures alike. The Germans have gone through it and been humbled. The USA is still arrogant despite 9/11. Individually, Simran and Dev are still arrogant. Karaj – ‘You have to know you have been humbled to have humility’.

Shona sat with the financial adviser and I took notes for her. She treated me like a child saying I was not doing it properly. After the meeting, Karaj complimented her but she couldn’t take the compliment and when the discussion turned to how she wrecks things, I verbalised how she had spoken to me. I did this for myself otherwise it would have eaten away at me. I was not getting at Shona but she took it that way. It was going to be a long night.

I spent a couple of hours doing some admin work. All the while I was doing this Karaj and Shona were arguing about how Shona needs to see that every one of us has the same struggles; even Karaj. And he is dealing with his issues by communicating with people all the time and not taking things personally. Shona was emotional but they resolved their issues which was good to see. It is important for me to see that adults have problems too but that they can be resolved.

By this time it was 22:30 and the three of us spent an hour talking about the Priya issue: Should Karaj accompany her in the court tomorrow or not? His uncertainty pointed to an important issue: what was wrong? This was the point he had tried to make to Shona: he wanted her input in the discussion. He wanted people’s insights in order to help him make his decision. He is involving people, using all the resources at his disposal to come to a considered decision. We talked and after reflection he saw that Priya is doing the same thing as Dev: isolating herself, not wanting help. Dangerous game. He is not going to court.

At midnight we discovered a leak in C2 and spent another half an hour cleaning the mess and fixing the pipe. It must have burst about the time of Karaj and Shona’s argument: negativity. The cottage was flooded and the floor ruined, but there was no emotion, just action to sort it out.

Summary: An eventful and productive day. Remained detached when Karaj and Shona were in full flow, but my presence was supportive.


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