Sorting Myself Out

Friday 23 May, 2003

I received a letter from my brother. At one point he wrote: ‘You’re right (you usually are).’ This surprised me. Respect from my brother. He has never disrespected me as such, but I have always felt inferior to him (and dad). Comparisons! The rest of the letter was typically him: straight, sarcastic, loving and caring. I was moved. He is okay, and the straightness of his words touched me deeply.

In the afternoon’s supervision, there were further fines for Dev and Simran, and letters regarding fines for Michelle and Priya. Also, Kuldip is back to his old ways, and all because he won’t verbalise. I talked to Calvin about following procedures. Simran had offered to help him with his memo but Calvin politely declined. Simran did not push the issue and he should have done. He and Dev could have driven over to Calvin’s – that is support. Simran often does not take action because he is too lost in his thoughts. He thinks too much and goes into detail rather than using common sense. Intelligence can be dangerous.

The session continued on the subject of bullies. Specifically, Kuldip and Simran. The difference between them is that Kuldip does not know any better, whereas Simran’s behaviour is premeditated and passive-aggressor. Karaj added: ‘Jonathan is an emotional man but beneath those layers I can see he is absolutely determined to sort himself out and I know he is okay.

I spoke to Ed on the phone about how good the Nottingham trip was last weekend. He also informed me of Peter’s offer of a job with an £80k salary! He deserves it because he is talented and works hard. It reminds me of myself and, in fact, Peter is a good example of my theory of doing a job you enjoy which means you do it well, which means the money comes automatically.

Later, having being initially pleased for Peter, my thoughts turned to the fact that all my friends are earning money and now, after Australia and Nottingham, I have no money left to be able to meet up with them as I would wish. After verbalising this I was fine because I have made my choice. I am doing a job I enjoy, and this year I am seeing that I am good at it, and that everything else will come as a result. Anyway, I am sorting myself out which is one thing I have always wanted to do above everything else.

We had a late supervision session with George. He and Karaj had spent their evening session digging the footings for the ceiling jacks to hold up the temporary roof on C3. When they work together it is peaceful. They enjoyed each others company and I was able to get on with my work, interacting with them during the breaks and where I was needed. In the session, I commented that Peter’s job offer has helped to highlight that I am doing well.

Summary: Another good day. Good work achieved. Handled things well. Don’t think too much. Just keep going.


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