Be Humble

Friday 27 June, 2003

Simran was challenged in the lunchtime session. He had cornered Calvin and Shona by dumping his agenda items on them in the feedback session. He has nothing to say. No responsibility. He does not want to sort his life out. Later, when he made a mistake with the tape recorder, I challenged him fully and informed him I don’t want him here on Fridays anymore. I told Karaj what I had said, then went upstairs for a rest. I slept soundly, but felt disappointment on waking when I realised Simran was still downstairs.

I chatted with Harriet. She does not want to be here either. I have never known a Friday be so wrecked as this one. In the next supervision, Simran was challenged again. He responded by claiming, ‘I’m trying… Karaj addressed me, saying: ‘If he ‘tries’ again, fine him. Priya was also challenged heavily. She has no passion about her life or her work; no idea of the management role in her new job. She is again concentrating on her negativity instead of looking at Karaj’s positivity.

In the break, I talked to Calvin about how he gets sucked in (Priya had done it to him earlier when they worked together). I told him that each time it happens he’ll learn to recognise it and eventually he’ll be okay.

Back in the group, Simran and Priya were both challenged for taking too long to discuss their issues. They are getting to me now and I am becoming annoyed. Karaj told me to calm down, I am getting cocky. I need to find the balance between giving because people will change, and leaving them alone because they won’t.

There was also a challenge to George to stay out of women’s space. Men need space from women; women need space from men; and both need the company of their own gender.

People left at 23:30 and Karaj, George and I chatted in C1 over a beer. I know these people are in my life for a reason but I don’t know why; and that is okay. Remain humble. The bit about finding the balance of appropriate support and non-attachment is not the answer. Karaj: ‘That’s the x-axis and you need to look at the y-axis.’ 

I have reached the stage with these people where I can challenge them one minute and be appropriate and cordial the next. This is because I release myself in the challenges. After Karaj left, I chatted with George about setting boundaries. When we do that, others fall into line without even knowing.

Summary: A tough day spent mostly on Priya and Simran. Be humble.


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