All I Can Do Is Relax

Thursday 31 July, 2003

Went to the shops with Karaj to buy some bacon. Returned home with door mats, tarpaulins, marker pens, A4 files, pliers, paintbrushes, vegetables and fruit. Typical Karaj. Ishwar called to say he can’t make it tonight. He suggested to Karaj that the Wednesday Group continue, and that those who do not want to attend stay away. Karaj later said that this is no solution. The Wednesday Group will move to Friday, with the added benefit that Dev and Priya will be involved.

Eric called from Heathrow on his way back to Spain. We chatted about Sonny’s wedding. It’ll be great to see him there. Eric also has a spare flight to visit him in Spain in August if I am interested. Of course I am. I need to talk to Karaj about it. It was lovely to talk with Eric. I spoke with an ease and clarity only possible because of the lack of the mental burden I have felt over the last two weeks. (Eric said he saw Ed and his wife this week, and that Ed’s wife told him I was on form at Kelvin’s wedding.)

Supervision. We made amendments to Shona’s second draft letter about her sick pay/health issue. Shona is reacting against the process. She can’t think straight and has a fantasy that people think she is faking her ill health. She needs to relax and allow herself to be helped. I had the same with my back. Karaj helped me with that and he will help Shona through her issue. He has had to be firm with her, as always. In such situations rather than try to explain to people, reason with them, rescue them, and then end up shouting, Karaj starts off confronting them. In that way the frustration which they cause is released as it arises, rather than trying to control it and then losing your temper in the end with possibly dire consequences.

The session continued indoors as Karaj dictated the third draft. George recounted the story of the man who went to the priest to be baptised. The priest had no time and told the man to return on Sunday. The man accepted this and left. When he did not appear the priest sent people out to find him only to discover that he was being cremated. The priest knew that God would forever hold him responsible for what he had done. Learning point: make time for people. Karaj told us, ‘If you keep in mind that you are the one who has the faults, you’ll be all right.

Karaj and I chatted about how Shona’s issue tonight reflects my situation: wanting to move with or without Karaj and wanting it now, even though I don’t know where to go. All I can do is relax, know that things are moving and that, if we keep things ticking over, the opportunities will come our way. And if we take them, we’ll be fine. Talked about Eric’s invite to Spain. Karaj said it’ll be fine and agreed with me that it will be a good part of my reflection period.

Summary: A tired day, but good work this evening – we took the opportunity to work when it came – and good conversations with Karaj. I am relating to him much better lately; informing him how I am and what I’m thinking, with positive results. Mentally I feel very light. I am no longer carrying the burden of the last two weeks. The thoughts are still with me but they are serving a good purpose by keeping my eyes open to what I need to see to sort myself out. A lovely invite from Ed, which not only fits in with my reflection but also compliments the affirmations I have had recently from friends. I’m all right. Don’t get cocky. Relax instead.


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