I Will Be Beautiful

Monday 22 September, 2003

Yoga. Short programme. I’m very tired and could easily have avoided exercising, but I didn’t want to. This is the sixth day running, and the sheer discipline of it is doing me good. My body is hurting; not because I am overdoing it, but because I am doing it. My script wants me to be ill, disabled, and I know that. This pain does not surprise me and is not getting me down. I am tired but I am also hyper. Things are going well for me and I am motivated, but I need to slow down. Karaj is manic too.

Karaj and I worked on his résumé. He was tearful and very touched by the work: ‘This is wonderful. Maybe now I can face my life. This is your gift to me. Thank you.’ This confirmed my own feelings that I was doing something really worthwhile. I certainly felt privileged to be doing this for Karaj; to have taken the initiative to make notes in the first place during our initial conversation, and then putting everything together very calmly. It has been a joy.

Karaj continued, saying that he knows what I have been through in the last few years and that it is now time for us (me) to face the world. I have had my break since Australia and now it’s time to go out there. If I thought I had already tackled my issues, he added, then this next stage will be something else, but I will become a beautiful man as a result.

Summary: Pushing myself to get up this morning and working all through the day, as well as communicating with everyone, are all positive signs that I am doing well. It all feels so right. So watch out. Relax, have fun, talk, analyse and don’t get cocky. It was a pleasure to work on Karaj’s résumé and his appreciation of my ‘gift’ was the highlight of the day. We had talked earlier about reaching a place where we can find peace and move forward. The progression of Karaj’s life underlines that.


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