The Doubt Will Always Be There

Thursday 21 August, 2014

It is said of Richard Feynman, the great 20th century physicist, that when he lectured, his students understood the subject matter clearly, yet as soon as they left the lecture hall their understanding evapourated. I had a similar experience when I wrote and posted the previous entry, ‘Desperate To Belong’. During the writing of it, I had clarity about the injunction of not being allowed to dream and the reasons behind my struggle of wanting to conform but also go my own way. Yet as soon as I published the post, the sadness I had written of returned, followed inevitably by the familiar doubt that maybe I am making the wrong choice.

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Desperate To Belong

Tuesday 19 August, 2014

We talked into the early hours of the morning, and he explained to me how I am torn between my need to belong and my desire to go my own way. For years I have been frustrated by the world and my place in it, feeling that if only the world were more like me, then I wouldn’t have to struggle in isolation. In my moments of clarity I reprimand myself, saying it’s my problem, not the world’s, and that if I really had the courage of my own convictions I would stride on down my chosen path, without the need for the world to come with me and keep me company.

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Self-Doubt & Emergency Procedures

Wednesday 13 August, 2014

Once in a while I experience periods of self-doubt. They appear without warning, taint everything, strip me of my confidence, and make me question all that is important to me. It happened to me earlier this year; and last week it happened again. Fortunately, my experience and my writing tell me it doesn’t last forever and there are things I can do to help myself. This post looks at the process of dealing with the doubt, and highlights three aspects which helped to minimise the effect it had on me: (1) the value of recording events; (2) the use of emergency procedures; and (3) the awareness that there is more than one way to deal with things.

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Self-Responsibility

Monday 11 August, 2014

Thirteen years ago I spent four days bed-ridden in the accident & emergency department. There were insufficient beds to move me upstairs, so I remained among the organised chaos of A&E. I witnessed all kinds of people arriving at various times of the day and night, with a multitude of complaints; every one of them attended to by doctors who were often baffled by their symptoms. This post follows on from the previous two and makes the point that one of the best ways to prosper is to take care of your own well-being.

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