Exactly Who I Am

Thursday 12 March, 2020

It was a day of masks, fairy stories, and a contemplative walk in nature. A day of significant conversations and deepening connections; of listening and sharing, reflection and insight; and of daring to cross the line. It began, almost inevitably, with dancing. This was Mind Work Productions (MWP), after all. Twice before* I have taken part in one of their days, and each one has been a demonstration of how valuable it is to leave our comfort zone behind.

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Just By Standing Still

Friday 21 February, 2020

I somehow felt better in myself this morning. More relaxed. There are a number of contributing factors – it’s Friday, I’m free again today, and I wrote two posts yesterday – but my uplifted mood (in spite of my son being awake again at 05:30) had its roots in what happened in the night. Woken in the darkness by the pain in my left hip, I managed to inhabit the discomfort and relax into it, just as I do continually with the exercise. So not only did the echoes of this week’s discipline make it into my half-awake state, their resonance was solid enough for me to consciously apply the fresh experience of the past few days.

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A Childlike Curiosity

Thursday 20 February, 2020

Immediately after posting the previous piece, I took to my mat again. My body was just as stiff and painful as it has been for a few days now, but the same Qi Gong exercise turned out to be the easiest it has been so far. And when I opened my eyes, the clock read a very unexpected 25 minutes. Longer and easier than yesterday. Not only that, there had even been clear, slightly extended periods of peace, in which I felt almost pain-free. Those brief interludes were sufficient for it to seem as though I was actually lying down. That’s a big deal for me because lying down is the closest I ever get to being free of pain.

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Gravity & The Earth

Thursday 20 February, 2020

I was already tired when I attended Tuesday’s Qi Gong class. I was in more pain than usual, too. I’d toyed with the idea of not going, but then I would still have to do my daily 25-minute exercise routine. The final decision to attend was made easier by the knowledge that I always benefit from the classes (very often in multiple ways). This time was no different. But it wasn’t easy.

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Relax, Allow, Trust

Tuesday 11 February, 2020

Continuing the theme of trust from the previous post, this one is the result of a conversation with the same friend who inspired the entries, Inhabiting The Silence and Relax Into (Your) Nature. Indeed, this entry is a repeat of what is written in that second piece, but it also goes a little further, suggesting that I allow a part of me to die whilst simultaneously enabling life to help me out.

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When Trust Is Present

Thursday 30 January, 2020

Scrolling through the blog archive, I came across an entry called ‘It’s What You Say, Not How You Say It’. It addresses a small element of a much broader experience highlighted by Karaj during an intense day of forensic feedback. I remember the lesson well and the title is correct, but every time I encounter it, I am always left questioning whether the elements of that line should be reversed.

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Go Slower, Go Deeper

Tuesday 21 January, 2020

For a few weeks now, the pain of a swollen knee has induced a combination of caution and conscious, deliberate movement. More pain, for no obvious reason, and with no clear cause. It affected me mentally as well as physically, and although it has improved gradually, it’s still not quite right. Given what I wrote in the previous post, I have looked deeper to see if there is something I can take from the experience.

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Go Further, Go Deeper

Thursday 16 January, 2020

Written reflections inevitably lead to insights, and it’s easy to assume that the work has been done. But there is a depth to our discoveries which itself awaits discovery. This mirrors our own existence because, ultimately, depth is what we seek in ourselves and in each other. Commonly, however, as is the case with the ocean, the depths can scare us, and we spend most of our time avoiding whatever lies there. But that is precisely where we must search because, as so many stories inform us, it’s where the treasure is buried. Here’s a reminder from the final paragraph of Always Know That You Always Know:

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Trusting Love & Life

Thursday 2 January, 2020

I began this review of 2019 with the impression that my resolution from last year had not lasted long. The more I reflected, however, the more I saw that its thread ran through the whole year. Let go. Be empty. That had been the commitment. The reason I couldn’t see it was because my original focus lay too deeply in the extreme of that idea; in the ultimate, spiritual conclusion of emptiness and non-attachment. Lofty goals indeed, and needlessly ambitious because, firstly, I’m far from ready for such a state. And secondly, if it happens at all, it comes through doing the small stuff daily.

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If Space, Then Time (Pt. 3)

Friday 27 December, 2019

This post concludes the series of three pieces, all of which are inspired by the poem below. It was written by my dad, and when I read it for the first time two weeks ago, I cried intensely. I was deeply moved by his words, his love for his wife, and for the desperately sad fact that she cannot read what he has written about her. She died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2011. As a result, there is nowhere for his words to go. Others will read them and surely be moved by them, but the real recipient is not around. The only other person who fully knows what every syllable means, can no longer be touched by his love and his pain. He bears them alone. Except, of course, that love connects across all dimensions of space and time.

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If Space, Then Time (Pt. 2)

Friday 27 December, 2019

In Part 1, I looked at the pain of a child lost in the reality of human frailties. This part is about how survival strategies allow us to continue to function so that we may heal when we have more of what we need (time, support, distance, wisdom etc.). It is also a reminder that others are in pain, too. The conclusion is that love holds the key to our healing. Sadness and love may seem very different. But they are not. They are allies in our growth, each a reminder of the other. And although we may risk the former through the latter, we must somehow find the courage to continue to love completely. Life is empty without it.

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If Space, Then Time (Pt. 1)

Friday 27 December, 2019

The previous entry was all about the simplest of gestures influencing the whole world (and beyond). In any given moment our love, generosity and compassion can touch everything. This post (and the next two in the series) take the same idea and apply it to healing our past. If a smile can inhabit the infinity of space, then healing can inhabit the infinity of time.

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We Change The World

Saturday 21 December, 2019

When I smile my world changes. When I smile at another person, their world changes too. Even if they don’t smile back, there is a difference in the relationship between us. What’s more, the change is permanent. I’m not saying either of us remain uplifted after the smile has gone, but the imprint remains. It becomes a part of us. Integrated into the whole.

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New Journal, New Story

Thursday 12 December, 2019

On the day I wrote the previous post, I began writing a new daily journal. The time had come. The catalyst for it was the discovery of the work of Charles Eisenstein. Listening to an interview he gave, led me to search for more of what he had to say. Since that day, two weeks ago, I have listened to numerous talks, conversations and interviews; read essays of his; and started reading his book, The Ascent of Humanity.

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