The Contributions We Make

Tuesday 4 December, 2012

This post is about how much we contribute to each other even though we may not realise we do. With our presence we can inspire people, lift their moods, reassure them or provide the opportunity for them to laugh, cry or just be. Sometimes only a few words or a smile are enough. Even silence can suffice to contribute and make a difference to people’s lives and yet we may never fully appreciate the effect we have.

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Better Strategies

Wednesday 29 February, 2012

The first time I complimented her she said, ‘Thank you‘. I asked her where she had learnt to react in such a way. She told me her father had taught her. I was impressed. Especially because there are others who negate or deny compliments. When that occurs neither person benefits. But here was someone who knew how to create a win-win situation in which both the giver and the receiver of the compliment walk away with a smile. A most effective strategy.

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Manipulative Behaviour

Monday 14 November, 2011

This post looks at some of the degrees of manipulative behaviour we exhibit in our everyday interactions, the comments we make, and the strategies we use; all of which are devised to elicit particular responses which perpetuate the psychological games (TA) we play.

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Working With The Ego States

Friday 19 September, 2003

I did not get to sleep until about 02:00 last night despite going to bed early. After a planning meeting this morning, with Karaj and Simran, I did my exercises. I felt energised afterwards and had a couple of insights during the session: 1) I needed to have carried on working last night because I couldn’t sleep anyway. 2) I appreciate Simran’s presence when he is here (and how Karaj deals with it) because he works with Karaj and I am free to get on with my work.

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There Is Only You

Wednesday 3 September, 2003

During this evening’s session, Shona was being very negative about her world and herself. It’s tiresome. I know how she feels but there is a stubborn, energy-draining barrier she puts up to any help, positive comments, or suggested alternatives to her perspective. She works hard at remaining negative in the (vain) hope that someone will come along and sort it out for her: ‘I just want someone to take the pain away.’ I recognise that because I do the same, but there comes a time when you realise that no-one is going to do it and there is only you.

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Using All The Resources

Monday 28 April, 2003

I’m experiencing sharp pain in both knees. Pain in every step. I noticed that when I grimaced and wished an end to my suffering, I felt worse. This is the emotional pain I cause myself. I stopped grimacing and smiled to myself, and the pain eased a little.

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Compliment People

Friday 11 April, 2003

Yesterday I struggled to get out of bed. I had thoughts about exercises but took no action. This morning, again, I lay in bed contemplating my exercises. My body is too stiff to find any motivation to get up…but I am getting closer. [11 years on and this is the advice I would give to myself: Don’t wait for the motivation to come along. Make it happen.]

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Appreciative Feedback

Tuesday 4 June, 2002

It was great to see Martin and how well he is doing in sorting himself out. Here is a man who could quite easily go under with all the problems he has (had), but he is getting on with his life and he is verbalising. He talked the whole time he was here and then left us to it. He would go bonkers if he didn’t talk. Verbalisation. He told me that he could not have had a better lodger than me. That was nice. How far he has come since I lived there. His words from three years ago which he wrote in the book he gave me (Siddhartha by Herman Hesse), are being realised:

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No Longer Who I Used To Be

Thursday 31 January, 2002

09.15 E&M 40 mins. In the morning Francis talked again about the issue of his colleagues (subordinates) not talking to each other and expecting him to sort everything out for them. I committed myself to working through this issue by saying ‘We’ll sort that out before I leave’. Watch this. Is this me being cocky? Am I aware of the energy required to support someone? Don’t get cocky.

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Accepting a Compliment

Friday 7 September, 2001

Spent the day with Karaj, Dev and Robert. We had lunch together and as we parked in front of the restaurant I complimented Karaj on his parking. He dismissed my comment, saying that there must be something wrong with him (to have parked so well). I told him that this is precisely the reason why people are wary of saying what they want to say to him. In the morning he had told me that he plans to do an exercise where everyone will be able to write down whatever it is they want to say to him because it was noticeable in Sicily that people were holding back from paying him compliments.

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Taking Stock

Wednesday 4 April, 2001

Arrived at the house to find my latest feedback (29.03 – 02.04). Whilst it has not depressed me reading Karaj’s comments, it has confirmed to me what I have said to Dev since his arrival yesterday evening: that everything seems like such hard work at the moment. I told Dev a couple of times yesterday that the men’s group on Thursday does not have the attractions it used to have. The sessions are becoming more like the tough training sessions I used to endure when I played football. They are very hard work, but necessary if I am to be fit enough to play, and are really only enjoyable once they are over. It all feels so heavy. It makes me weary but it does not get me down.

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A Wonderful Way to Exercise

Friday 12 January, 2001

Went dancing again last night. At first I sat there wondering what I was doing there and how the evening would develop. There’s that word again – how – stop it. Relax. The evening was yet another success. I really enjoyed myself and made still more progress. I was complimented too. ‘You’re a natural’ and ‘You’re really good – stick with it’. I accepted these compliments and thought nothing more of them. My own attitude to the dancing suggests to myself that I am good – otherwise I wouldn’t be that bothered with it. As I recognised on the first night with Dev, this is something I can do, and I want to do it well. It gives the ‘be perfect’ side of me the ideal platform to express itself.

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A Day Like No Other

Saturday 16 December, 2000

Today has been a day like no other. Had a lie in until 8am, then got up and cleaned the house. Kelvin is coming down from Manchester today and it was important for me that Aubrey’s house is clean and tidy for them both. Far from being a chore, it was a pleasure to do it and good to know that someone will see the results of my efforts.

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Handling Generosity

Wednesday 30 August, 2000

I received some feedback from Karaj regarding the tuition of Michelle and Bridget (I had given them some basic word processing tuition). He told me I had been too generous and had given too much. The problem being that some people cannot deal with generosity.

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