Are You Still Breathing?

Friday 13 June, 2014

There were two occasions during the presentation, when the word breathe appeared on the screen. I had put it there for my own benefit, as a reminder for me to take a moment, breathe, and calm down. I tend to get excited about my work and any reminder to calm myself is always welcome. After the presentation, Karaj offered me his feedback. He suggested I use more of the breathe slides, adding that they should be the focus of my presentation and the focus of my life.

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We Change Anyway

Saturday 24 November, 2012

This week was the final session. The last in a series of nine workshops I have been running over the last six months with a team in Amsterdam. The main goal was to enhance the group’s communication and personal development by raising their level of awareness. This post is a reminder to them that they have achieved more than they may realise. It also highlights that the power of development work can be found in the simplest of comments.

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Internal Dialogues

Tuesday 9 October, 2012

We all talk to ourselves, whether in full conversations or just one-liners. The things we say can be destructive, corrective, empowering or belittling. Some are deliberate, whilst others are less conscious; a background noise of barely noticeable messages which nonetheless have a potent effect on our well-being. The dismissive remarks range from casual admonishments for the everyday mistakes we make – spilling a drink or walking into a glass door – to the more harmful comments with which we put ourselves down.

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Just When We Think We’ve Made It

Tuesday 17 May, 2011

As we progress with our personal development, it is easy to think that things will be forever different, better, as a result of a breakthrough we have made. But we must be careful. It’s always the same. Just when we think we’ve made it, we get caught out. Something simple, seemingly innocuous happens and before we know it we have reverted back to our old patterns and are acting out our familiar script (TA).

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Child Ego State

Thursday 5 May, 2011

This is a TA (Transactional Analysis) term and needs a little clarification because of the two approaches I have used: one in my journals (see this entry, from 11 years ago) and one here on my website. In this post I briefly explain the difference between the two approaches and, at the end, I say a little more about what the Child ego state is.

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Measurable Results

Monday 11 April, 2011

Results should be measurable. This is always useful but not always easy. How do you quantify certain things? Wealth, possessions and number of friends are easily-measured units of success. But what about other things like contentment, satisfaction or happiness? Or personal development?

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My True Self

Wednesday 15 October, 2003

I am still moving quickly between leaving and staying. Focusing on my body helps me to forget, but the feelings soon come rushing back. Can’t stay, can’t go. Fucked. I am not cut out for this place. I could sit for months with the letter from Leon, George & Calvin in my hands trying to find the love in it and I wouldn’t be able to.

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Working With The Ego States

Friday 19 September, 2003

I did not get to sleep until about 02:00 last night despite going to bed early. After a planning meeting this morning, with Karaj and Simran, I did my exercises. I felt energised afterwards and had a couple of insights during the session: 1) I needed to have carried on working last night because I couldn’t sleep anyway. 2) I appreciate Simran’s presence when he is here (and how Karaj deals with it) because he works with Karaj and I am free to get on with my work.

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Stay With The Confusion

Saturday 26 July, 2003

My day began at 09:00 with a planning meeting with Karaj. It finished at 03:00 after yet another of many conversations with him about my confusion surrounding my place in the house and whether to stay or leave. Throughout the day there were eight of us present (Karaj, Michelle, Serena, Calvin, Dev, Priya, Ishwar and me) and we spent the day digging the utility block and having supervision sessions.

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All You Need Is Self-Respect

Friday 13 June, 2003

I had to be woken twice by Karaj. It is so hard to get up at the moment, and sleeping on the floor doesn’t help because upright is such a long way to up. I worked with Simran to hang a notice board and three pictures in the hallway and the client’s room. I was trying to come from the position that Simran will contribute, but he was making it difficult for me.

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The Paradox of Annihilation

Wednesday 11 June, 2003

Karaj and I discussed my questions from last night: What role does Karaj play? (facilitator); and why do most people not sort themselves out? (They actually don’t want to.) It’s the pupils who make the teacher famous. Karaj cannot help those who don’t want to sort their lives out (Arun, Michelle, Kuldip). With those who do, he uses the annihilation referred to in ‘The Way of Transformation’ to get to the core of the individual. Paradox. Those who want to sort their lives out are in the driving seat. Karaj has helped me to strip myself of my illusions; and there are more to come. His job is to show me, to bring those illusions to my consciousness, and get me to change my behaviour. This process is strengthened by our previous successes – our shared history.

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Be Focused

Monday 26 May, 2003

In the first supervision, we talked about the garden work from yesterday, which happened the way it did because the mind was not focused. People were in Child ego state (CES). They carried on and did the hedge because they were still not focused. Then in the feedback session, after recovering from the exhaustion of the physical work, the demons returned and they went back into CES and were not focused. That’s what happens all the time in life, if you do not follow procedures.

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Saying Goodbye

Saturday 24 May, 2003

The common thread of this 3-day weekend was Ishwar’s letter to his dying father. We began early, in the first supervision. Ishwar needs to say goodbye but he was not sure how to. I told him he’ll find the words. Karaj added, as an aside, that I have not been in Adapted Child since I sorted things out with my dad.

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What CES Can Look Like

Monday 12 May, 2003

For two days I sulked and moaned to myself. I allowed my emotions to dominate me. They impinged on my enjoyment of what was supposed to be a short break from the routine. I had a good time, but my Child ego state (CES) exercised its influence throughout, and my Parent ego state was not strong enough for me to be able to get a grip of myself. This is what Child Ego State can look like:

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