The List

Wednesday 16 August, 2017

What follows is a list of many of the most important pieces from this blog. The list makes it easy for you to understand at a glance what is necessary in this work. It takes you through the process of self-development and self-realisation – from awareness, observation and reflection, and back to awareness – offering you guidance on what to expect along the way and what you can do to help yourself.

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The Choice Is Always Yours

Thursday 22 June, 2017

Every action, every word, every thought is a choice we make and for which we are responsible. What we seldom realise is that we have always been choosing. We may have been conditioned by others to make certain choices – and to make them over and over again – but we always had the freedom to make different ones, no matter how limited that freedom may have seemed. We have been choosing for so long, and doing so thousands of times every day, that our choices have become automatic, passive, unconscious, habitual. Over time, familiar pathways gradually become furrows, deeper and deeper, so that even if we become aware of them, it can seem too difficult to find a way out.

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Yesterday I Was Clever

Wednesday 22 February, 2017

A common desire which people express about their interactions with others, is their wish to see the other person change, or grow, or at least move away from what seem to be unhelpful ways of doing things. We all recognise it. We have all felt the same about someone close to us – a friend, a colleague, or a loved one. The thing is, we cannot change anyone, and the sooner we learn this, the better it is for everyone. The title of this post is taken from a poet’s words about the desire to change others and the wisdom it eventually brings:

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Reality’s Shopkeeper

Tuesday 13 September, 2016

She stands behind the counter, waiting patiently for you to arrive. She has all the time in the world and will wait forever because infinity is something she is comfortable with, and because she sees her work as the highest form of service. Every day she has the chance to make dreams come true and bring joy to whoever walks into her shop. You see, she has an infinite stockroom, with infinite shelves, holding every imaginable reality. She is your servant and will bring you whatever you wish for. You just have to tell her what it is.

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Imagine You’re Already There

Wednesday 31 August, 2016

I stood in my own way twice in one week. The solution each time lay in my imagination. The first example came following a discussion with a friend. It was an uplifting dialogue, a meeting of minds, but it left me feeling anything but energised. Having described my preferred working arrangement – a combination of individual clients, group work, seminars, talks, writing, and reflection – she asked me a simple, yet disarming question: ‘Do you affirm that every day?’ My response was a brief ‘No’. I felt caught out and inclined to explain myself; a sure sign that I’m being made to see something important.

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The seminar was about the power of thought and how, by creating clarity for ourselves in everything we do, we can improve our lives in a very simple way. It was the best seminar so far. It was also the one with the lowest attendance, which not only highlighted one of the main points of the session – that thoughts influence feelings – it also offered an example of an important aspect of personal development: non-attachment. But more of that later. Here is a brief summary of the seminar’s contents, with links to the relevant blog entries. (The corresponding page numbers of the book are in brackets.)

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TS 1 – Behaviour Patterns

Monday 18 April, 2016

On the afternoon of the first Tuesday Seminar, I sat in the sunshine outside my favourite café to prepare myself. I had my book with me and as I flicked through it, willing inspiration to leap from its pages, a man approached me from the next table and asked where I got it from. He explained that he had read the café’s copy on occasion and was interested to read more. I smiled, informed him that I had written it, and invited him to join me. He sat down and we chatted for an hour. Later that evening he came to the seminar, brought his girlfriend with him, and when it was all over he purchased a copy of the book.

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The Power Of Intention

Monday 21 July, 2014

When making a phone call we would rather not make, we are inclined just to go through the motions. As a perfunctory gesture, we allow the minimum amount of rings before hanging up, relieved. Compare that to a determined approach, with a clear intention to get hold of someone. To connect. Feel that feeling and you will notice another one close by: the feeling that your success is inevitable. (Don’t get cocky.) The phone barely rings, the person picks up and the connection is complete.

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Be Careful What You Wish For

Thursday 8 May, 2014

Every birthday was a chance to make a wish, and throughout my childhood I only remember wishing for two things: a pair of roller skates when I was very young, and a proper leather football. Those wishes spanned close to a decade but it was only some years later that I realised both had come true. For the last 25 years I have been wishing for my health and well-being. As with the roller skates and the football, they too have come my way. This post assumes that wishes can come true and asks the inevitable question: if we get what we wish for, then maybe what we already have is something for which we have already wished.

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It’s The Thought That Counts

Wednesday 7 November, 2012

Opening new doors can be as simple as closing old ones. Simple, but not always easy because there can be a tendency to hold on to elements of our lives which no longer serve a purpose. Out of habit, sentimentality, or a lack of awareness we accrue unfinished episodes which seem to lie dormant but which have a greater impact than we realise. And when that impact is detrimental, we are better off doing something about it. When we do, we immediately create space for more appropriate people and experiences to enter our lives.

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Supporting Each Other

Friday 11 May, 2012

This post is inspired by an entry from my training journal in which I was challenged to provide support to another member of the group. The entry itself doesn’t appear in this blog although I did comment on it in another post, ‘Be Firm With People & Contribute’. The following paragraph is an extract from the unpublished entry:

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Enjoy The Journey

Friday 30 September, 2011

It is not uncommon for my clients to express concern; to worry about the attainment of their goals. When they do, my advice is always the same: assume you will get there and then enjoy the journey. Achieving the latter helps to guarantee success with the former. This post is about just that: enjoying the whole process, safe in the knowledge that you will succeed.

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Attachment & Feedback

Sunday 7 August, 2011

In this post I talk about my attachment to the first company logo I designed and how it took some direct feedback, followed by a little time for the feedback to sink in, before I did anything about it. It is also an excellent example of what I describe in ‘The Process’. In September of last year I met with a man who specialises in corporate design. I met him because I was looking for better business cards. I wasn’t really looking to alter the design – just change a couple of words – but he took time to discuss his work with me.

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The Karpman Drama Triangle

Thursday 28 July, 2011

This is a beautifully simple tool which helps to highlight the kind of manipulative interactions (games) which occur on a regular basis, whether consciously or unconsciously. It looks like this:

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