Update – One Week On
Thursday 23 August, 2018
Just over a week has gone by since the end of the silent retreat. Initially, I had wondered how long the effects would last. Given the previous post, it’s no surprise to report that the effects are still there. The intensity from the silence and the satsangs has understandably dropped off a little, but there is a fundamental change to how I feel. And it’s building momentum. It is precisely as Mooji had said: The more you are with the is-ness, the more it will draw you in.
It’s A Game Changer
Wednesday 22 August, 2018
There was a definite shift during the retreat. I can’t say it happened in an instant, but it happened early on. It grew out of the experience of The Invitation, deepening each day. I saw clearly how being able to drop the identity and rest so effortlessly in the is-ness, meant two things. Firstly, I no longer had to be the person I had worked so hard to be (despite my attachment to it). This alone was a liberating insight. As with every other breakthrough from the retreat, the shift came from experiencing it. This anchors the insight in a way not possible through mere cognition. (See also ‘We Are The Sum Total Of Our Experience’.)
The Silence Was Beautiful
Tuesday 21 August, 2018
Before leaving for the retreat, I reasoned that the silence might take a day or two to get used to. How wrong I was. Even in my initial distraction on that first afternoon, I felt as though I had come home. Nobody talking, no eye contact, no communication of any kind. Just silence and an inward focus. I can only imagine the number and depth of insights experienced by people during those days. All made possible by the silence. It was beautiful, and at times it took my breath away.
Effortless & Empty
Monday 20 August, 2018
After the challenge from the previous day, day four felt more normal as I became increasingly familiar with the state of pure awareness (or is-ness). I was never there for extended periods, and I felt no exultation, but in the calmness there was peace. And some relief. The excitement of the previous days had subsided. What remained was the space to be able to rest in a new way of being and to recognise the mind at work in subtler ways.
Deep & Profound Gratitude
Wednesday 15 August, 2018
It was a present from her. Five days at a silent retreat with Mooji. I cannot begin to describe how beautiful the whole experience was; how enriching and life-changing. All I can do for now is to record in the next few posts what my experience of those days was. This piece is the briefest of summaries, and subsequent posts will go into more detail about specific insights and aspects. Some background might be useful, so if you wish you can read the post, ‘The Conclusion Is Emptiness’, as well as the more recent one, ‘When Mooji Came To Town’.
Be Kind To Yourself
Saturday 11 August, 2018
I wanted to write a piece on self-compassion, because it’s easy to overlook ourselves as we move through the world. Worse still, many of us are too hard on ourselves, too critical, too demanding. We are more inclined to offer help and support to others than to ourselves, but we must understand that there is much we can do to improve our own lives. It takes practice, and it begins with being kind to yourself. The inspiration for this piece comes from someone who leads by example with her own kindness.
So Much Love In The World
Thursday 7 September, 2017
I attended a friend’s wedding last weekend. She’s an old friend, so there were others there too, all of whom I have known for nearly 30 years. Some of my closest friends were present and I was naturally delighted to see them, but I was also struck by how appreciative I was of people I had not seen for a decade or more. There is an obvious maturity about our connections, and to spend such quality time in the company of people who have grown together and aged well, but who in many ways have not changed at all, somehow served as recognition of my own self.
The List
Wednesday 16 August, 2017
What follows is a list of many of the most important pieces from this blog. The list makes it easy for you to understand at a glance what is necessary in this work. It takes you through the process of self-development and self-realisation – from awareness, observation and reflection, and back to awareness – offering you guidance on what to expect along the way and what you can do to help yourself.
Infinity In A Box
Saturday 10 June, 2017
One common and understandable conclusion we draw in this work is that ‘If I work hard enough I will rid myself of the issues I have. One day, I will no longer feel anxious or angry, and I will stop wishing the world were different.’ I used to look forward to a time when all my problems would be solved. I used think I would wake up one day and be different because the painful parts would be gone and the struggle would be over. And I used to think that working on myself was the way to do that. It is, but it’s only half the story because self-development is a stepping stone to a greater understanding: we already possess what we desire.
Think Before You Rescue
Monday 24 April, 2017
When we see someone struggling and we think we have the answer to their problem, it seems only natural, logical and humane to want to intervene and help them. But we should think twice before stepping forward. We should be more patient, ask ourselves why we want to help them, and what might be the effect if we don’t. There is a lot to be said for standing aside and allowing someone to go through their process – whatever that process may be. The likelihood is that they will learn so much more from the experience if they are left to live it fully, than if someone were to intervene too early.
Already Perfect
Wednesday 19 April, 2017
Why is it that when I begin something, or even just contemplate beginning something, my mind immediately turns to thoughts of perfection? TA theory points to my Be Perfect driver saying that, having examined my world at an early age and considered how I could best secure the love, care and attention we all crave, I drew the following conclusion: if I do things perfectly I will be loved.
Worry, Love & Freedom
Monday 27 March, 2017
For some of us the act of loving seems to trigger a seamless transition towards worry that we may lose the object of our love, or that some harm may come to it. It suggests that the moment we finally experience what we have always sought, we begin to fear its absence. We hold on tightly, justifying our behaviour with comments such as ‘I worry because I care’, or ‘I can’t help it’, as if those sentiments authenticate our love.
Eleven Days In La La Land
Thursday 12 January, 2017
For a number of reasons I was drawn to watch the same film again and again. Five times in eleven days, in fact. La La Land is a hugely uplifting film imbued with the innocence of love, the naivety of dreams, and the single-minded determination which passion for anything brings. I found myself crying and laughing simultaneously, tapping my feet from the very start, and captivated throughout. I lost myself in the unspoken force of facial expressions, was touched deeply by the songs and the sentiment, and smiled with my whole body at the uncomplicated beauty of love and life. But this post is not about the film; it’s about what happens when you watch something closely and repeatedly. One’s own life, for example.
Be Quiet, Be Still, & Listen
Saturday 24 December, 2016
If there is one thing which this year has demonstrated more than anything else, it is that we find it infuriatingly difficult to listen to opinions which are contrary to our own. The postmortem discussions following the UK referendum and the US election were at times hysterical and exaggerated, but eventually also insightful. It turns out we have a problem performing the simplest of tasks; one which could fast track our evolution: listening. As someone close to me always says: ‘People just want to be heard.’ Unfortunately, we can barely hear each other over the sound of our own voices. There are too many people making too much noise.
