For people new to written reflection, the first question they often ask is, ‘What should I write?’ My answer is always the same: ‘It doesn’t matter. There’s no right or wrong. You can write whatever you like. To begin with it’s not important what you write. What’s important is that you write.’ This blog post aims to provide a little more texture to that response, as well as a few ideas for where to begin.

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The previous five posts show how it is possible to transform a difficult experience into a burgeoning source of learning and development. They also provide insight into the idea of punctuated equilibrium: how it can feel as though one is not moving (or even going backwards), before suddenly being thrust forwards onto a new level. This post is the last in this series, and takes a general look at what happened, placing it in the context of a number of different areas:

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Three years ago I finished wringing everything I could from my training journals. Having taken time to edit them thoroughly for my blog, I then edited the most suitable ones again and again (and again) for the book. I spent almost five years examining my own detailed reflections from an intense period of learning. It left me wondering where to go next with my development. When I eventually found what I was searching for (in Self Enquiry and the Silent Retreat), I saw that I’d had everything all along. All I needed to do was continue what I had been doing, and see it through to its ultimate conclusion.

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The best thing you can do for your team is to work on yourself. If everyone does that, and people support each other in their respective development, the team will grow and mature. So, too, will the individual. PRACTICE and DISCIPLINE are the foundations of the work. They are qualities you will need to return to again and again as you seek to change certain habits. It can be difficult at first, but if you pay close attention you will be able to SEE YOUR PROGRESS, no matter how small. And it’s important that you see the small steps, because if you wait for the big leaps you will easily become downhearted.

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What follows is a list of the most important and most helpful pieces from this blog. The list makes it easy for you to understand at a glance what is necessary in this work. It takes you through the process of self-development and self-realisation – from awareness, observation and reflection… and back to awareness – offering you guidance on what to expect along the way and what you can do to help yourself.

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There’s a glorious moment of not-knowing first thing in the morning. Just on the edge of wakefulness, as consciousness beckons, life takes a deep, silent breath and waits. In that moment, before reality comes rushing back in, potential is at its peak. Everything is possible because nothing yet exists. Nothing of our past is present, and the future can’t exist because it has no present to work with. There is only emptiness and silence, both waiting to be filled with whatever comes their way.

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We begin to strategise much earlier than we think, and if the strategies we choose work – no matter how ineffectively – then we repeat them because it’s easy to do so, and because there is a certain level of risk associated with changing them. In this way our strategies establish themselves so quickly that they soon take on an automatic nature, becoming indistinguishable from our true selves. It therefore takes some effort and commitment to become fully conscious of them; and then more of the same to change them for better ones.

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It can be as simple as making a cup of coffee. That’s the procedure which one participant offered as an example of something he already does whenever he gets stuck or frustrated in his work. He explained that the process of making the coffee changes his focus, calms his mind, and allows him the space to gain enough distance from a particular problem to be able to solve it much quicker than if he were to remain at his desk. It was the ideal example of what this seminar was all about: look after yourself, discover what’s best for you, and use your discoveries to make life easier for yourself.

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On the afternoon of the first Tuesday Seminar, I sat in the sunshine outside my favourite café to prepare myself. I had my book with me and as I flicked through it, willing inspiration to leap from its pages, a man approached me from the next table and asked where I got it from. He explained that he had read the café’s copy on occasion and was interested to read more. I smiled, informed him that I had written it, and invited him to join me. He sat down and we chatted for an hour. Later that evening he came to the seminar, brought his girlfriend with him, and when it was all over he purchased a copy of the book.

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I posted a journal entry recently, from 11 years ago (‘My Mind At Work’). It was the most difficult entry of all to post because it denigrates the man who helped changed my life. I debated with myself and consulted those close to me on whether or not to publish. It would have been easy not to, but in the end I had little choice because the entry provides important insight into the power of the mind (and script) to undermine our entire process. Back then, I had been warned that such a phase would come, but still I felt powerless to do anything. I was even aware what was happening at the time – as can be seen from a line in the previous day’s entry – but still it seemed there was nothing I could do about it:

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It is said of Richard Feynman, the great 20th century physicist, that when he lectured, his students understood the subject matter clearly, yet as soon as they left the lecture hall their understanding evapourated. I had a similar experience when I wrote and posted the previous entry, ‘Desperate To Belong’. During the writing of it, I had clarity about the injunction of not being allowed to dream and the reasons behind my struggle of wanting to conform but also go my own way. Yet as soon as I published the post, the sadness I had written of returned, followed inevitably by the familiar doubt that maybe I am making the wrong choice.

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We talked into the early hours of the morning, and he explained to me how I am torn between my need to belong and my desire to go my own way. For years I have been frustrated by the world and my place in it, feeling that if only the world were more like me, then I wouldn’t have to struggle in isolation. In my moments of clarity I reprimand myself, saying it’s my problem, not the world’s, and that if I really had the courage of my own convictions I would stride on down my chosen path, without the need for the world to come with me and keep me company.

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There are times when even the best intention to succeed is not enough because events or, more commonly, emotions conspire against us. When that happens, it is worth remembering that there is almost always something you can do about it. This post is a reminder of that, and offers ways to facilitate a more effective process away from those unwanted scenarios.

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It’s that point in the process of behavioural change, at which we are on the verge of laying down a new pathway. As we stand there, deliberating the fresh, untrodden ground for the first time, possibly even drained from the effort it has taken to get this far, it is useful to know that we are also close to rejecting the opportunity in favour of the familiar. Our preparation has taken us tantalisingly close to something new, yet we are about to turn our backs on it all, for a continuation of what we already know so well. This is to be expected and it explains, in part, why developing new habits can be a bit tricky.

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