Personalise Challenges

Thursday 25 September, 2003

Karaj, Shona and I talked about last night’s session. Karaj said we’ve made a good start and the fact that he was not present meant that we could approach it gently, rather than with the intensity which typifies his work. The main learning point is to personalise challenges to the individual concerned. With Ishwar last night, when he told me just to talk about my pain I became frustrated because if it were that easy I would not have asked people to help me. My response was to equate his suggestion to asking Karaj to talk about the pain in his life, which he has been unable to do for years, up until this week.

Read the rest of this entry »

At the end of the 3-day weekend, we sat together to summarise our time together: calmness, clarity, and appropriate contribution; a lack of emotion and good quality conversation. Our discussion continued, looking at how much of a hold our feelings have on us, especially when we don’t check the facts. The facts cannot be ignored under any circumstances. Other notable points from the last couple of days:

Read the rest of this entry »

Support & Personalisation

Saturday 26 April, 2003

After fitting the sink tap in C1 we (Karaj, Dev, Ishwar, Calvin and I) sat together for a short supervision session. The message was simple. Karaj quoted S.N. Goenka: ‘If you cannot take 100% responsibility for yourself, forget it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Monthly Feedback – October 2002

Thursday 31 October, 2002

Karaj’s feedback to me for October:

Read the rest of this entry »

Remembering What I Want

Wednesday 16 October, 2002

Karaj challenged me about why a particular item was not on the to-do list. I felt like a scolded child and talked later of how I am hanging on, with the intention of getting through the tough period ahead. Karaj talked to me about my personalisation of his comments to me; it indicates that I have no commitment to myself or to others. I let people off the hook because I let myself off the hook. That means they know they can get away with things. He added later that personalisation means I have no control over my Child (ego state) and it is like I am allowing my child to run into the road with no parental control. Karaj, in his challenges, is speaking (trying to relate) to my Parent (ego state) and if the Child is running around feeling abused by words it cannot properly comprehend then I am losing out. I need to exercise Parental control. I am being challenged because I am good.

Read the rest of this entry »

I Want To Get Away

Thursday 10 October, 2002

Feeling slightly less tired than yesterday. Karaj and I spent a couple of hours in the garden, bolting the lengths onto the cottage U-frames and squaring them up. I am still personalising everything. I want to get away from it all. Everything I say is wrong. Nothing I do is right. Emotional. Feeling shit. Still kept on going, though. This is my strength. In the face of everything, I am carrying on.

Read the rest of this entry »

A Reminder Of First Principles

Tuesday 8 October, 2002

Too tired to exercise and no motivation to exercise either. Began to get a headache with all the different jobs going round in my head. (1) Wrote a to-do list to empty my head, and created enough space to get on with work. I began sorting out my outstanding appraisal documents for Karaj. He told me yesterday that I have been neglected recently (regarding the appraisals) and that this is mostly my own fault. I need to start (2) putting myself first more.

Read the rest of this entry »

Commitment To The Process

Saturday 5 October, 2002

During my exercises I felt very tired, lacking energy, my stomach still delicate. And as I prepared for the day I noticed I was not really with it; not awake, not alert, not focused. Dev arrived and we started on the agenda and the overall picture of the day. I was still not clear. There are lots of loose ends to tie up.

Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t Change Your Own Procedures

Wednesday 2 October, 2002

I woke up at 07:30 and Karaj was already working. I offered my assistance and Karaj made an important point: ‘Get on with your exercises and I’ll see you at 8 o’clock. Don’t ever change you own procedures.’

Read the rest of this entry »

Work On The Here & Now

Tuesday 1 October, 2002

Woke up feeling extremely tired and in no mood to be shouted at (by Karaj). Began setting up the statement documents for all core group clients for October. I was keen to set up the September sheets in readiness because we still have all of September to do, but Karaj pointed out that this is precisely what I do: rather than work on the here and now I am busy trying to finish the past. (This is why my September feedback only has two entries.)

Read the rest of this entry »

Monthly Feedback – September 2002

Monday 30 September, 2002

Karaj’s feedback to me this month consisted of just two days near the end of the month and his general comments.

Read the rest of this entry »

Stop Personalising

Sunday 29 September, 2002

It’s getting harder each day to get up. I’m very tired and every flat surface looks like a bed in this state, but I know I cannot really rest. Karaj: ‘Good. Another 10 or 11 months of this and then you’ll be okay.

Read the rest of this entry »

Becoming Visible

Saturday 28 September, 2002

Discussed with Dev his overall picture of his week ahead. He went off on his own twice; once at the beginning of the exercise and once when typing up the flipchart. I contributed to him with my feedback and my observations that he does not include his team. I also gained from the experience because I do the same. Another learning point for me is that people don’t need the detail. It is distracting and confusing. They need the overall picture. They will ask if they need more information.

Read the rest of this entry »

Finish Tasks & Take Charge

Friday 27 September, 2002

A learning point from Karaj’s feedback: I do not finish jobs off; I do not see things through. As a result, things mount up and I eventually get emotional. So, finish tasks, because this does give me satisfaction and it means that I am in a better position to deal with emergencies when they come. And they will come.

Read the rest of this entry »