Nature Or Habit?

Wednesday 2 April, 2014

I was once asked how much of ourselves we can change. I responded that there are certain elements of personality which are not even worth trying to change. We are better served by accepting them, learning to love them and seeing the beauty in them. Our energy is more appropriately focused on the areas we can do something about. But how do we know which behaviour is hard-wired into our nature and which can be ascribed to the habits we have picked up along the way?

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Time Structuring

Thursday 7 April, 2011

This is how Transactional Analysis defines our use of time. It is an example of the simplicity of TA because whatever we are doing, it falls into one of only six categories. More importantly, knowing that these steps form an effective social procedure and that each of the first four elements is necessary for constructive, engaging interactions, will improve how we relate to each other and create more effective connections.

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Tantrum Time

Friday 11 October, 2002

Challenge from Karaj. He told me I had forgotten the bags from the car and then added, as he always does, ‘You need to wake up‘. I cut him short. I’ve had enough of the way he points out my mistakes and then rubs my face in it. The reason I am having stomach problems is because I have always swallowed my emotions and reactions, because whenever I react he gets worse or he tells me I am being cocky. I am to take control of my life and that includes standing up for myself and the first steps in that are letting out all the shit I have kept inside of me for the last 2½ years and the especially the last 6 months.

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Pastime, Delegate & Verbalise

Friday 20 July, 2001

Karaj and I returned from a short trip to find Sunil, Michelle and Natasha in my office. This caused slight irritation. I had some work to do and I saw their presence as a disturbance. Nonetheless I pastimed with them and I suppose in some way I was glad of the distraction. [Karaj: Do 15 minutes of pastiming with them and verbalise to people that you have work to do and do not want to be disturbed.]

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Coming Out of Withdrawal

Tuesday 19 June, 2001

Today has been another full day. Along with the accounts work, we finalised Kuldip’s contract for his work in the house and we managed to draft the Sicily letter detailing the homework, the boundaries, and the requirements for the trip.  I also spoke to Ishwar. I phoned him for some information and we ended up having an enjoyable and empowering chat about the nature of development. So far this week I have spoken to Ishwar, Calvin and George, as well as communicating better with Karaj and Kuldip. 

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Focus on My Sensations

Saturday 2 June, 2001

8.30 E&M 90 mins. The meditation went very well. By focusing on my sensations my mind remained very quiet, and I sat very comfortably. I made a start on strengthening my legs too. During my walk I noticed that I can observe my moods and lessen their effect by doing so. For example, on the way to the house I began to resent having to go there because I had enjoyed having the morning to myself and wanted to spend the rest of the day on my own too. However, by observing and being aware of this feeling I did, at least, manage to halt any downward spiral.

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The Curve of Progress

Friday 1 June, 2001

6.05 E&M 65 mins. At the house we talked about what is happening currently. This week has been an eventful one. So much has happened, so many developments have taken place, and so much promise has been revealed, yet the magnitude of events is somehow difficult to appreciate because it all feels so normal and natural. I feel so calm about it. I am not excited at all. Karaj tells me that things are moving because I have built the foundations for them to move and that the reason I am not excited is because I have worked so hard to build those foundations.

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The Best Laid Plans…

Saturday 8 April, 2000

Well, yesterday was as much of a failure as any learning experience can be. As soon as I met up with my friend Aubrey and his two friends, I went into withdrawal.

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Planning for a Night Out

Friday 7 April, 2000

I’m going out with Aubrey and some of his friends tonight. An opportunity to put a few things into practice and to observe myself. It is important I avoid withdrawal (TA). If I want to get into an interesting conversation with someone then I need to remember the rituals and pastiming (see this post on Time Structuring for explanations of these terms). Those parts of the conversation which I dislike (i.e. small talk) are vital in order to progress to the interesting stuff.

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